


Things that can't be said

by winstonlives



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Brotherly Love, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Love, M/M, family wedding, semi-closeted characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 02:39:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8872540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winstonlives/pseuds/winstonlives
Summary: Phil is anxious about going to a big family wedding because there are a lot of people who don't know about him and Dan. It's not new news but he is afraid too many people will know by the end and it will get out. He is afraid of all the questions from people he hasn't seen in over a decade.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short story that I thought of when I saw the live show today and Phil talked about the wedding, and how he was a bit nervous to go.

“It’ll be fine. Just change the subject if it comes up.” Dan said sitting on Phil’s bed watching him pack for the wedding. 

“I just wish you were coming too. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about it.” Phil said putting a pair of socks in his bag. “There are going to be people I haven’t seen in like ten years there. They are going to ask questions.” 

“I’m sure they will. But I am also sure they won’t be rude enough to just come out with, anything crass.” Dan said reaching into Phil’s bag and refolding a shirt he had just tossed in. “I mean no one would just come up to you and outright say, ‘so you're a queer now huh?’. I mean they are still your family after all.” 

“No they wouldn’t do that, you’re right. But still there will be some that know and some that don’t and now that we’re all getting together...they are going to talk.” Phil sat next to Dan on the bed and put his head on Dan’s shoulder. “It’s just I don’t want to lie to people, but I also don’t want this to get out. How ridiculous would it be that it finally gets out because of a family wedding?”

“It won’t get out.” Dan said kissing Phil’s forehead, “For one thing they would have to answer to Kath if it got out, and that right there...horrifying. Mother bears are less scary when their cubs are threatened than she is when protecting her babies. And in this instance we would be her babies. Another thing, they would have have to answer to the whole rest of the family, admittedly not as scary as your mum, but still enough to keep ‘em quiet. And lastly, even if it is the other side, the marrying in family, I would hope that they would have the decency to not do anything to the bride's family.”

“That last one is pretty weak.” Phil said standing up again and resumed packing. “Like they could care less. What if one of his relatives is a fan? This could be really bad. I just thought of that!” Phil’s eyes went wide. “What if he has a couple of nieces or cousins and they know who I am. Then they hear aunt Carol and my grandma talking about us. Oh god! Maybe I shouldn’t go?” 

“Hmmm well that is an angle I didn’t see either. I am sure it will be fine. Just tell your parents and Martyn about that idea and maybe they have some ideas for damage control. But right now I think you should just relax a little. It will be fine. It’s not like it’s the first wedding you’ve been to since we got together.” 

“I know it’s not, but it is the biggest one, and there are a lot of people I don’t know who are going to be there. The mix of people who know about us and those who maybe want to know about us is scary.” Phil sighed. “This is new territory and I am going to be by myself. I am going to have to mingle with people who don’t have strong loyalty to us, and they may find out...then it could get out…”

“Phil, there won’t be any proof.” Dan said standing and pulling Phil into a hug. “You know very well even if someone at the wedding who just wants to spread the news about us does so without proof the information will be deemed made up. You know how the phandom works, even with things that could be termed as proof, there are still those who don’t believe it. The only way that we would truly be outed is if we do it ourselves, either on accident or on purpose. Even then there will be people who won’t believe it.” Dan laughed. “So don’t worry too much about it, and try and enjoy yourself, okay?”

“I’ll try. I still wish you were coming too.” 

“Me too. I’d like to see your uni house and stuff. Maybe one day we can take a mini trip and you could show me around.” Dan said kissing Phil gently on the lips. “Show me all the geese.” 

Phil chuckled. “Oh the geese. How I have missed them.” Phil said looking off into the distance in mock wistfulness. 

_____

 

“Oh my god Martyn, Phil! Hi! How are you guys?” A short brunette woman says smiling up at them. “I bet you don’t even recognize me.”

Phil and his brother look at her for a minute, “Rebecca?” Martyn asks. 

“Ding ding ding! Wow, I am surprised you got it. I look very different from the last time I saw you guys. It’s been over ten years! I was thirteen and chubby with bad skin and braces, and now look at me, I’m a friken swan.” She spun around, and laughed. 

“You do look very different,” Martyn admits, “but you still have the same personality. What do you do now?”

“Oh, I went to uni for theatre. Perfect for me since I always loved the spotlight.” She fluffed her hair. “Don’t tell anyone but I am not shy.” She stage whispers. Phil and Martyn laugh. “How are you guys doing? We are the only entertainers in the fam I think.” She elbowed Phil in the ribs.

“Are we? Uncle Kev is pretty out there.” Phil suggests. 

“I mean professionally. I am in a production in the west end in a month, you guys should come down and see it.” 

“Oh what is it?” Martyn asks interestedly. 

“Midsummer Nights Dream, I’m Hermia. I wanted to play the fairy queen, but I’m too ‘young’,” She says, with air quotes. “Oh well, I like Hermia I guess. It is a modern remake. It’s been a real blast. I could get some tickets and put them at will call for you.” 

“That’s nice of you. Are you sure?” Phil asks. 

“Oh sure! It would be so nice to have a familiar face or two in the crowd.” She smiles. “I will put four at the window, for opening night if that’s okay? It’s the 21st. You think you can make it?” Phil and his brother nod. “Is four okay? Martyn I know you have a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, Cornelia she’s pretty great.” Martyn smiled affectionately. 

“Phil, do you have a girlfriend?” She said looking up at him. 

“Um no, I don’t.” Phil said looking at Martyn. 

“I’m sure he can find someone to go with him though, four tickets will be great. Thanks.” Martyn interjected. 

“Oh good!” Rebecca smiled. “Oh! I just saw someone I wanted to talk to. I will have those tickets waiting for you guys!” she said cheerfully as she sped off in pursuit of another cousin. 

“Thanks.” Phil said to his brother. . 

“Of course. Should be an interesting night. She would have been a good Titania.” Martyn smirked. 

“No kidding.”   
_____

“Aunt Lydia, do you remember my boys Martyn and Phil?” Phil’s mother said loudly to the old woman looking up at them. “They are your great nephews. You haven’t seen them since Martyn was fourteen.”

“Oh yes. I remember them. My, my, you boys...like bean poles aren’t you?” She smiled. “I guess your mother knows how to feed two growing boys.”

“Sure does. She’s a great cook.” Phil said smiling. 

“One day you boys will find a good woman who can cook great food too. Or have you already?” Aunt Lydia winked. “Two strapping young men like you, I bet you have the ladies running to you.” 

“We are very well fed at home thank you.” Martyn smiled. 

“Oh good to hear!” She smiled brightly. “How lucky.” 

“Yes. My boys are very happy, and I am very happy for them.” Phil’s mother said squeezing his hand a little. “It was wonderful seeing you again. I want to introduce them to my cousin Christy, she met Martyn when he was a baby, and never met Phil. If you’ll excuse us.” 

“Oh sure! You boys have fun! It was very nice seeing you again.” Lydia said as they both leaned down to kiss her cheek. 

_____

Dan: So? How’s it going?

Phil: Ok. I will be happy when it’s time to leave though. 

Dan: How is the mingling going? Are we still safe?

Phil: Torturous. It’s like a minefield of old ladies asking about girlfriends and cousins asking about girlfriends. They all want to know about girlfriends… 

Dan: I’m sorry. 

Phil: Why are you sorry?

Dan: Because…

Phil: It’s not your fault. 

Dan: I know, but it still must be frustrating. 

Phil: Nt really frustrating, more like..I don’t know irritating. 

Dan: Oh.

Phil: Sometimes I hate that we are who we are you know…

Dan: ? 

Phil: If we were just Dan and Phil, not DanandPhil, I could just tell anyone, because it wouldn't matter...there wouldn’t be millions of people wanting to know… no one would care. 

Dan: there would still be people who care. 

Phil: You know what I mean. If we were just normal people we could be us and it wouldn’t matter if my great aunt Lydia knew I was happy at home because of my boyfriend and not some woman who makes me good food. 

Dan: What?

Phil: It’s a long story. Tell you later. Food’s here and now I have to be nice and participate in normal human on human conversation. Talk to you tonight? 

Dan: yeah. Love you. 

Phil: love you too. 

_____

“Hey Phil, Martyn.” Their cousin Derrick said as he sat in the chair next to Martyn. “How’s it going?” 

“Okay.” Phil smiled, “How are you?” 

“Good, good. Can you get over this wedding?” Derek leaned in a little, “My mum said they spent thirty-five thousand on this.” 

“Wow.” Martyn said. “When I get married it will be a small wedding. Probably even elope.” 

“And then I become an only child.” Phil and Derek laughed. 

“Alright, a small wedding, maybe one of those destination ones. But not for a good long while if ever. Cor and I have talked about it, but neither one of us feel like it is really us.” Martyn shrugged. 

“What about you?” Derek asked turning to Phil. 

“Donno. We never talked about it really. We’ve been pretty busy. I guess I would like to get married one day. We aren’t in a hurry.” Phil shrugged. “And you?” 

“Kyle and I?” Derek asked, “We talked about it, but his parents are still trying to get used to the idea he has a boyfriend and we have been together for what eight years now...I can’t see him having a husband would be too welcome yet. Maybe another eight years.” He smiled. “It’s okay they are nice people, they are trying. It’s hard on them. And that sucks. You and Dan are so lucky, both families on board with the whole relationship.” 

“His wasn’t always you know. They are still just luke warm to the idea and it has been a long time for us too.” Phil shrugged. “It’s fine. I know if we decided to get married though they would be fine with it and probably be happy about it. It’s funny because we’re bi they still have their hopes up that he finds a girl.” 

“Nice.” Martyn says sarcastically. 

“It’s fine.” Phil says. “If it helps them sleep at night then so be it. We kind of laugh at it. I like woman more than Dan does.” 

“You do?” Derek asked. 

“Yeah.” Phil nods and takes a drink of his cocktail. “I think it’s because he has had long term girlfriends. I haven’t so they still interest me somewhat...the mystery of them I guess. We both like soft and woman are soft.” 

“Dan is definitely soft.” Derek agreed. 

“Hopefully not all the time though…” Martyn winks. 

“Ha-ha hilarious.” Phil said, but chuckles at his brothers joke. 

“That girl over there keeps looking at you.” Derek said, gesturing with a tilt of his head. Phil and Martyn look over. A young girl probably about fifteen is watching them, and as soon as Phil turns she smiles and waves. “You know her?” 

“No, I think she’s from the groom’s side. 

“She seems to know who you are. A fan?” Martyn asks.

“Probably, it’s my demographic.” Phil sighs, but smiles and waves. She takes this as an invitation. He keeps smiling as she walks over. 

“This is the weirdest thing.” She says when she gets about two steps away. “I saw you all walk into the church and thought I had completely lost it. But unless I am having some kind of wild hallucination you are actually Phil.”

“I am. And you are?” Phil smiles. 

“Oh god, um, I’m Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Izzy. I’m sorry I’m interrupting. I just really wanted to at least say hi. My friends will never believe this.” 

“It’s fine, really. I love meeting fans. Would you like a picture?” Phil asks. 

“Oh, I would love one, but I don’t have my phone. My mum made me leave it at home, ‘or I would be on it all the time and missing out on life’. “ She said obviously quoting her mother. Phil laughed. 

“How bout we use my phone and I can tweet it for you.” Phil suggests. 

“Oh that would be very nice but you don’t have to. I don’t want to start anything.” She looks a little scared. “Besides I don’t know if I would want my picture seen by that many people.” 

“How about I take it and I can email it to you though the shop?” Martyn asks smiling. That way it stays private and you can still get a picture. 

“Oh would you? I would like that better.” Izzy says smiling. 

“Sure.” Martyn stands so he can get a picture of them. Phil stays seated so that he and Izzy are about the same height and puts his hand on her shoulder. Martyn takes a few pictures and sits back down and hands his phone to her. “Put your email in and I will send them from the shop tomorrow.”

“Okay. Thank you so much. This is the strangest day.” She smiles. “I will get out of your hair now. Sorry for interrupting.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Phil smiles, “we we’re talking about anything important really. It was much more fun meeting you.” Phil says. She smiles brightly. 

“It is strange not seeing Dan with you. How is he?” She asks as she starts to type into Martyn’s phone 

“He’s good.” 

“My oldest brother couldn’t bring his boyfriend either.” She says nonchalantly still typing. “The whole not married rule is so stupid. They have been together forever.” She looks up. I was, like eight or something when they started dating. I mean they have lived together for six years.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s a stupid rule.” 

Phil doesn’t really know what to say. She is so casual and just accepts that Dan is his boyfriend. Or does she? Is she just making conversation? He’s a little thrown by this. All day he has heard about girlfriends, and if he has one yet and bla bla bla. And now, here is this girl, a fan, who just talks about his boyfriend. He hates lies and tries to avoid blatantly doing so. He looks at Martyn for help, but he shrugs, apparently just as lost in what to say as well. He doesn’t want to say something like ‘oh Dan’s not my boyfriend.’ because really he has never said it out loud, and doesn’t think it would sound real. He doesn’t want to say those words. The complete denial of his happy loving relationship he isn’t ashamed of. Denying it so matter-of-factly feels like it is something to be ashamed of. He doesn’t want her going on twitter later on though, and saying something about how he didn’t say it. “He didn’t say ‘Dan is not his...’” He’s stuck. He doesn’t even know if his mouth can form the words ‘Dan is not my boyfriend.’ let alone make it sound like the truth. 

Derek stand ups and comes over to Izzy. “I couldn’t bring mine, it sucks that we couldn’t bring a guest with us. My sister wanted to bring her friend so she has someone to talk to since we don’t have any cousins her age that she knows well. Luckily Phil has us,” He points to himself and Martyn. “That way Phil didn’t need to bring a friend.” He smiles.

“Oh yeah of course.” Izzy smiles up at them. “I would have liked to have brought one too, especially now I am not even allowed a phone.” She pouts a little. “Well thank you guys. It was really nice meeting you. And now we’re kind of cousins. You’re the bride’s cousins right? The groom is my aunt’s oldest son. That is so strange. My friends are going to flip their lids.” She smiled. “Who knows we may see each other at another wedding or something some time.” 

“Yeah maybe.” Phil says. “It was nice meeting you.” 

“Tell Dan hi, and he really is very pretty.” 

Phil laughs at that. “He’ll be happy to hear you think so.” She smiles and walks back to her table, where her mother is sitting. She talks animatedly to her and points in Phil’s direction. 

“Oh my god.” Phil says looking up at Martyn and Derek. “I think I need to get out for a minute.”   
He walks past the bathrooms out the front doors and stands outside with a few smokers, one shuffles a pack in his direction offering one to him. “No thanks, don’t smoke.” He walks further to the side of the building and squats down his back up against the wall. He breaths deep, collecting himself. He pulls out his phone and checks twitter for a bit. Then decides to text Dan. 

Phil: I just had a minor panic attack I think. 

Dan: why?

Phil: There is a fan here. 

Dan: so? Were you showing people our sex tape or something?

Phil: funny

Dan: so, what happened?

Phil: I’ll tell you later. Just needed to hear from you for a minute.

His phone rings then and it’s Dan on the other end. He answers it. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself. You okay? Did she grind up on you on the dance floor or something? Molest the ickle cinnamon roll?” Dan chuckles. 

“No. She was very nice, we’re cousins now I guess..through marriage kind of...I think. It’s very confusing.” 

“Is that what the problem is? You can’t figure out how you’re related to her?” 

“No. We were having a nice chat and then she was so casual in saying that her brother couldn’t bring his boyfriend either. Either, inferring that you were my boyfriend”

“Okay. What did you say?”

“Nothing. I couldn’t bring myself to say that you weren’t mine. I couldn’t...I can’t say it. I can’t.” Phil’s heart began to race and he was getting a little lightheaded. “I can’t say that you are not…”

“Your boyfriend?” Dan supplied. 

“Yeah. I can’t say that. I can skirt around it, I can make it ambiguous, but just saying it so...so straight forward, I can’t do it. I hate that, it makes it seem like I’m ashamed or that there is something wrong.”

“So what happened?” 

“Derek. He said he couldn’t bring his either then told her his sister also couldn’t bring a friend even though she doesn't have anyone to talk to. But it was okay that I couldn’t because he and Martyn were here for me to talk to. She agreed because she would have liked to bring a friend.” Phil said in a quick sequence as if he couldn’t get the words out fast enough. 

“So Derek made it ambiguous?” 

“Yeah, and it worked I think…but it still...I don’t know”

“Upset you?” Dan added quietly.

“Yeah. I’m better know that I talked to you though. I can’t wait to get home. You have no idea.” 

“Don’t forget we have that YouTube thing.” 

“Ugh, at least we don’t have to do any kind of stupid dance routine or anything. Just need to stand there…” Phil sighed. “Either way it will be more like home than here, you’ll be there.” 

“I will. Now get back into that wedding. I don’t want a phone call from your mother talking about how you can’t even be away from me for twenty four hours.” Dan teased. “You’ll be alright. 

“I will. Oh. I’m supposed to tell you, you’re pretty.” 

“Okay?” 

“She said to tell you that.” 

“Who, your mother?”

“No, Izzy. The girl.” 

“Oh.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. sorry for the tenses hopping all over the place, I don't know what was happening to me during the writing of this. I gave up trying to fix them. 
> 
> As always kudos and or comments are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!


End file.
